(February 9, 2025). Every year, it seems the Super Bowl brings us the Kansas City Chiefs, some pretty hip(hop) halftime shows, and Roman numerals that make the big game seem like it should’ve been played in Medieval Times.
This year, we’ve arrived at Super Bowl LIX — a perfect sequence of letters that some folks immediately read as “licks.” And while many fans are hoping the Chiefs take more than their share of those on the field, it got me to thinking: if the planners of the halftime show had done this thing right, Super Bowl LIX wouldn’t be Kendrick’s (although the possessive version of his name does fit this rhyme scheme). Instead we’d be in for a more musically diverse set of artists gracing this year’s championship stage.
Think Styx, Kix, Onyx, The Fixx, The Chicks, Stevie Nicks, Nikki Sixx, and even Taylor Hicks — all artists whose names sound like they belong on a Super Bowl Licks, err LIX stage even if some of them haven’t been relevant for years. In honor of this convenient pronunciation of the Roman numerals representing 59, let’s take a closer look at this imaginary lineup and what they’d bring to the big game (besides maybe a few grunts and groans from television viewers).
Styx – “Renegade”
I guess it would have been too much to ask to have my Steelers actually play well enough to make this year’s big game. But imagine if they had. Having a reunited Styx lineup performing Pittsburgh’s adopted anthem (and my Mom’s new favorite song) “Renegade” at halftime would have been special. Of course, it’s a Grand Illusion to think that the stars could’ve aligned to make that happen.
The Fixx – “Saved By Zero”
With their sleek ‘80s new wave sound, The Fixx specialized in suspenseful, synth-driven anthems that felt tailor- (not Taylor-) made for this year’s game. Take “Saved by Zero” for instance. While no team would actually be “saved” by that number, especially if it went scoreless or if an offense allowed the play clock to reach :00 one too many times before snapping the ball, The Fixx could certainly parlay that ‘80s classic into a successful comeback, especially if the scoreboard read all zeros at the break. More appropriate might be “One Thing Leads to Another,” especially if it’s already looking like the Chiefs are about to secure their historic third-straight championship by the end of the first half.
Kix – “Don’t Close Your Eyes”
Okay, I pulled this group of hair-metal rockers and their lone chart hit out of my, umm, late-Eighties/early-Nineties Time Machine. But wouldn’t it be great to have the recently disbanded group get together once more to perform “Don’t Close Your Eyes” as a plea for weary viewers who may be bored of the game itself by the half?
Stevie Nicks – “Edge of Seventeen”
If anyone could turn the Super Bowl halftime show into a mystical, shawl-draped experience, it’s Stevie Nicks. Her haunting vocals and ethereal stage presence could easily headline these performances, assuming she doesn’t hex fans with one of her famous twirls. “Edge of Seventeen” would be perfect for a game tied at 17 at the break. Or maybe “Stand Back” would do, particularly as a reminder to a team that has had too many illegal formation penalties because they can’t seem to lineup correctly on offense.
Nikki Sixx – “Kickstart My Heart”
Mötley Crüe’s bassist Nikki Sixx may not have sung lead on their biggest hits, but he was the inspiration behind “Kickstart My Heart” and the only member who’s been with the Crüe the whole time (plus he’s the only band mate whose name fits this rhyme scheme). “Kickstart” would be a perfect segue between halves for a game high on thrills during its first 30 minutes, or simply because it has the words “kick” and “start” in it. Or maybe bigger hit “Dr. Feelgood” would be fitting if, say quarterback Jalen Hurts is putting on a clinic by the break.
Onyx – “Slam!”
Onyx brought full-contact energy to ‘90s hip-hop with “Slam,” a straight-up anthem that would be an ideal halftime hype track! It also might elicit a few flags from the refs during the second half if players took the song too literally and “slammed” the ball over the goal posts (a “no-no”) during touchdown celebrations. Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce can tell you a thing or two about that 15-yard penalty and the hefty five-digit fine that goes with it.
Taylor Hicks – “Do I Make You Proud?”
American Idol winner Taylor Hicks may have the soul, but does he have the stamina for a halftime show featuring all those other “icks”? Maybe at this point in his career he’d be best suited for a pregame performance in a BBQ joint just outside the New Orleans Superdome. But hey, if the Soul Patrol (his fan group) can fire up an audience the way a coach’s halftime speech does a team, maybe there’s a place for Hicks to make us proud on the big stage after all.
The Chicks – “Ready to Run”
Whether they’re breaking country music norms or putting up a defense, The Chicks certainly know a thing or two about making a statement. In football terms their Wide Open Spaces could describe both a perfectly executed deep pass and the blown coverage that made it possible. And while the song “Ready to Run” is a fitting anthem to kickoff any half, it’s doubtful that the NFL powers would chance this given The Chicks’ previous history with politicians, particularly given that a certain president will be in the audience.
The Ricks – Rick Astley, Rick Springfield, Rick Ross
Okay, that’s taking it a bit too far. But, regardless of what viewers think LIX rhymes with, this halftime show will be Kendrick’s. And, at the end of the day, one team will be taking their “licks” while the other hoists the Lombardi trophy!
Oh, and thank goodness none of us will be around for Super Bowl 509!
SB DIX anyone?
DJRob
DJRob (he/him) is a freelance music blogger from the East Coast who covers R&B, hip-hop, disco, pop, rock and country genres – plus lots of music news and current stuff! You can follow him on Bluesky at @djrobblog.bsky.social, X (formerly Twitter) at @djrobblog, on Facebook or on Meta’s Threads.
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